Circle of death and life - seems that someone lost control

I had such a beautiful life, was gentle caring, loving and had an amazing boyfriend on my side. Although the world saw him as a slender, tall and beautiful man I was blinded by his love for me and could only see his greatness beyond his physical body. 

Our relationship can be called as match made in heaven, we did together whatever we possible put our mind to, and we fought together the battles of life as normal everyday people. We just loved it, every bit of it and loved each other unconditionally. We also knew no matter what challenge comes in our way, together we can overcome all of them. 

One day someone came up to us and told us that we need to die. Without having ill intention, he explained that we are more than just mere mortals and there is a mission calling for us. We were also explained there are a lot of weird things happening on the other side and it requires investigation, however getting through there is only possible if we are dead by the rules of this realm, called Earth. There were other couples like us, but they either vanished and no one could reach them, or they were tied up in a similar case already. 

At first I didn't want to believe it, I cried my eyes out day and night, despite the fact that we did allow time to ourselves to discuss the matter over and over until both of us were really clear about the situation that what might follow might not be a joyride, but we had to do it. It wasn't anymore about the two of us only, people were dying and instead of going to the stage where they were meant to, they were vanishing half way. Their spirit couldn't be tracked down, nor followed beyond the realm of the death, more precisely beyond the "distribution centre". I knew it as well, the same way as my boyfriend did that even though we couldn't remember why we were born as humans to Earth, but this mission requires both our attention and investigation. After a very loving and beautiful night spent together, we have taken the decision to start the mission, I only asked him to not to let my hand go and he said, no matter what happens he will be always by my side. So without fear in our heart we put out our death plan to the table and also what steps we will need to take to remember once crossed what our mission was and how to execute it. It was a dangerous one, because the same way as the other human souls have vanished we could as well, and no one will know how and why, and specially not if we let go of each other. 

5 The day came, we were both dressed in comfortable casual clothing and I looked at him and he at me and it was just so beautiful to swim in our gazes and taste our love for that moment. But as time and mission was calling we had to get moving. We had a car crash, which was frightening when it happened, as it didn't go as planned... However we both got to our senses straight after landing in a huge white hall, knowing one step of the mission has been accomplished. 

We looked around and opposite to us, on the other side of the hall next to the left wall there were chairs put out with a door waiting to be opened. On one of the chairs there was a man sitting. He had mid blonde curly hair, moustache and glasses, looking miserable and waiting quietly. He seemed to be stuck there since the 80's and just waiting. 

We went up to him to asked if he could tell us where we were. He looked up at us as he was in a hangover state still from last night's party, so we didn't expect much help, but he started slowly slowly to talk: "Where do you think you are? You are in the waiting room of the after life. Just wait a bit and someone will come to hand you your ticket numbers and then you will need to go through that door when they call you." Pointing at the white door built into the the wall on his right side. We also asked him how long he has been sitting there and waiting. He said he doesn't know, as time is relatively non existent there and he just gave up trying to find out when he is called next. We also asked him if he saw anyone else coming through this way, to which he nodded, but as his memory was shifting between past and current reality, and other zone states, he couldn't recall at all who came and went and what exactly has happened to him or his surrounding so far. 

I looked at my boyfriend and we had the same thought. Only "God" knows when and if we get out of here and specially in this "clear" state. We didn't want to risk ending up stuck so we started to brainstorm on a way out. Then a third soul arrived after ours which suddenly took us a little bit by surprise, as we didn't quite knew him but we sort of knew he was our enemy in our Earthly life. The whole situation started to get more bizarre, but for our surprise he couldn't remember how he has died, the only thing he knew is that he has to come here and wait for his ticket number to go to the next stage. 

His arrival did trigger something because suddenly the white door flung open and  two medical assistant like staff, dressed in pure white attire appeared and welcomed us. Without telling us who they are - except mentioning the fact that they will be handing our ticket numbers -, or showing when is our next turn, they just told we will need to wait until our numbers get called out. We asked when that will be, but they said they don't know, and we also asked if it will be again someone coming here and call us through the white door, to which they said again that they don't know. I got so annoyed, that I felt I will loose my shite and start screaming, but my boyfriend knew and grabbed my hand and with his look he indicated "It is alright, calm down", and with that move he stepped in front of me to get his number handed to him. He got 427, after which I got 428 and then the guy who came after us got something totally different from our sequence. While they were fiddling around with his receipt on his number my boyfriend looked at me and indicated towards the door, to which the same idea struck our head, but I got scared, as I didn't know what will be awaiting for us behind those doors, and I was still in a state where I didn't want to loose him. To this his reaction was to hold my hand tighter and he embraced me. I did instantly calm down and nodded to let's do this, despite being full of doubts. 

10 The two assistants started to pack up their equipment and headed towards the door. We waited to not to make it too obvious that we are following right behind them, and then we also made a move. My boyfriend was super fast, he just caught the door before it shut fully. Whilst standing between the doorways I looked at the chap who arrived after us and he was thrilled that he can also go. It was almost as he knew all along where he is heading to and he hardly waited for it to get there, whilst the two of us were totally clueless. The other guy who we saw upon arrival was staring at us and then moved his gaze to the floor. We told him to come, but he was in such a phased out state that he couldn't even decide whether to stand up or not. He then said he will wait until his number gets called. I was surprised as of why one would do that to himself, and still wanted to persuade him to come with us, but in that moment my boyfriend indicated that he doesn't know how long the doors can stay open without alarming someone so we should make a move now. 

I did agree with him, and with a bit of a heavy heart I just followed 3rd guy and my boyfriend through the white door. Behind the door there was a porch but all white walls and industrial like staircases leading down. There were two. One straight on our left which seemed short and narrow, divided by a huge white wall by the second staircase which was on the right. The guy arriving after us took the stairs on the right, saying he saw the assistant going that way, so we followed him whilst holding each others hand tightly. Upon turning around before stepping down the stairs, I saw a short flap behind the door fixed up, which once the door closed I assumed would shot it down so that no one can enter, unless someone opens it from this side. 

It all looked so modern, yet primitive to many level when it came to operations so I found it hard to grasp what this whole thing was we were trapped in. And also where did the staircase on the left lead to? Why could no one give us clear answers and why was that guy left there to sort of rot on his own in that white hall? How do they know when new souls arrive and why is everything just left as there is, giving plenty of space to do whatever you want, if you can and as it seems if you use your non-existent brain? I didn't understand and inside me I was constantly battling with the thought what if we do something wrong that we were not meant to or are not allowed? And as if my boyfriend would read my mind he told me that if this was the case, we wouldn't be more likely allowed to roam around like this, nor get this far. I had to admit he was right. so I just stopped overthinking and kept following them further down. 

The way was relatively long leading through more white corridors, doors and more stairs. Eventually the final stair down lead us to our first destination. When stepping down from the last step of the stair, we stepped into the "distribution centre". I was amazed of what I saw. It looked like a departure airport terminal. With huge columns keeping the roof and the building up, a lot of people walking around, aulas divided with glasses, and everything was buzzing. The more I moved ahead, the more I felt what my mission is, a mission chosen by my soul. My "heart and my mind" was rejecting it though, and was fighting hard against it, because I knew that meant separation, and I was not ready, nor did I want to be separated from him. The guys went ahead of me and stopped at an aula which was inclining down, and looked more like a lecture auditorium, with space between each row and seating (with white cushions on them), with some security personnel standing in the middle, having a totally peaceful aura.

No one bothered of us turning up through the staircase, no one even was alarmed, not even the fact that we ended up walking through the auditorium, as it would have been the most natural process of the whole plane. It seemed as this was a perfect design where if you were ready, used your common sense and denying fear to dictate your steps, the doors are open everywhere and they will leave you exactly to the place where you need to be.

15 On the right side of the auditorium ladies in white business attired were checking the ticket numbers of each person who went up to them. No one was rushing anyone to do so. You could just sit and hang around and walk and check out if you wanted the other side of the whole complex, but in either case at some point if you had a number you had to get it checked-in. My boyfriend was the first to line up, he was so excited and so was the other one who we came with. They handed their ticket in, the ladies checked if it is was a legit one and typed it in the system. The computers they were using had transparent 14 inch screens, which the ladies were looking at. On the other side of the screen no one could see what was shown, just the ladies' faces looking seriously at the screen. Next to the screen the table which had the machines build in, started to project your next journey and they were telling you why that is and what they aim of it was. 

I saw that my boyfriend was being sent in the mountain to build on physical strength and learn combat battle strategies. He only had these two missions and once those were closed he will know the next. He turned around smiling and was saying how cool that is. He said I should also get mine checked. On one hand I was amazed by these cool equipments and the whole process, whilst on the other I knew deep down that we will be separated, this is my mission, I signed up for it and there is no way out of it.

Battling between my heart ache and that reality of realization was so heavy on my heart, yet the mission I was meant to do was so natural, pain free and needed to be done. As I still was trapped between my feelings and rationale, I didn't take my ticket out straight away and the security spotted that. Thinking I might have nothing and just being an intruder who needs to be "taken off the platform". they surrounded me, and with a calm manner they asked for my ticket containing my number. The surprise by being surround by two tall strong men, who looked super gentle at the same time, did bring me back to the realm of actions and I straight away started to unpack all the rubbish from my jean's pocket. Eventually from my back pocket the ticket number also was loaded out. They then looked at it, apologised for the bother and showed me to get it checked. My boyfriend was waiting for me patiently, he knew also that we will have to do this journey separately, but he also knew and told me we will find our way back. That didn't help me much. Having him next to me I felt safe, but with the next move of handing my ticket in the pain of loosing him inside me grew bigger and bigger. I got into a state where humans are, battling with their tears but then just let them flow. I had nothing that was flowing but my eyes felt heavy and my heart was aching deeper and deeper. I then took a deep breath and handed my ticket to the lady who seemed to be waiting impatiently for it, and took it almost like a robot. They had zero feelings for anything, they just had the focus on the missions and getting the message across as clearly as possible. This one reading my mission out loud, I could feel, was despising me because I was so weak according to standards of her norms. I couldn't care less though, my gaze was stuck on the projector showing me the three missions I had to fulfil. When I heard her saying that I have three, I was like: "No way that this can get worst". She then firmly looked at me and started to say wat they and why they are: 

"1. Your first mission will be climbing to the top of mount Solomon, you will be dropped of at the bottom once you are ready to go. This mission is for you to cultivate resilience and learn more about wisdom when you are at the top. Once you learnt the lessons of wisdom meant to you, then you can move to the next mission. 

2. Second mission is going down from mount Solomon and finding the temple on mount Hearades. The temple is standing on huge pillars, pillars that can be turned. You will need to learn and turn every single pillar towards mount Solomon in a certain and same angle. This mission is there to strengthen your body and teach you finding ways to remember what can be easily forgotten, such as the learnt at your first mission. 

20 3. Third mission is finding a way to shoot from the Mount Hearades the temple on Mount Solomon. This might seem as if you will destroy the mountain, but you need to use your resilience, your wisdom and your strength to come up with a solution good enough to get this accomplished and demolish only the temple on top of the mountain.  

Once all your missions are done, then you will find out the next journey." And with this she closed the projector, looked at me and sort of said "So long". 

I lost control over my focus and myself for a bit in that moment, and had to sit down on the floor. The feelings of battling of loosing the one I so deeply love, whilst thinking here is someone judging me and giving me missions which I will probably never reach - although she just carried out her job by telling me, then knowing that my highest self called upon those missions, and knowing that even though I want to trick the perfect creation there is no need for it, because if I trust it will lead me to the exact way I not only need to be, but where I am meant to be and want to be as well. I felt my heart squeezing harder and harder and inside I was screaming, whilst my boyfriend as if he knew all this just leaned down to me. He hugged me with his gentle, yet strong arms, and sent me the purest and most calming love vibes only he is capable of doing. I looked at him and he said that we will make it and we can make it, and we both knew, if we are meant to be we will find the way back to each other, which is already carved anyway, we just can't see it yet. I asked him to help me up and let's just get on with this whole mission, the sooner we will finish the faster we can continue together the next stage. 

He nodded smiled and then we were shown our ways to another door where everyone's coded mission was added and once you stepped through it you landed in the realm you were meant to be in. 

We indeed were separated, which gave the chance for both of us to not only focus on developing ourselves, but get the most out of our mission and ensure that we deliver to the highest level. All the new mission starters upon arrival were segregated, I also didn't arrive with my boyfriend to the new place, I wasn't even sure if I will ever meet or see him. We all knew that there were men "camps" and women "camps" on each realm, but no one was allowed to meet the other, unless it was meant to be to train together for strengthening ourselves or our mission. There were no strict rules and no feelings, just the mission and we knew what we had to do and carried on with that. My pain and previous feelings from my past life were all there, and I loved having them, because it always gave me a sense of comfort, security and the clearest path I could rely on to get back to my sense when I felt lost during the process, but the strengths of these feelings were minuscule to what I have felt in the earthly life and also in my journey before getting to my mission place. 

25 Time flew by, a time that actually didn't even exist, it was totally out of context, no one cared or knew actually how long or what time wise has passed. My first two missions were ticked off way easier than I thought they will be. And  when I had to start my third one, I already was having some very clear ideas on what I will do and how I can achieve my goal. My strength and resilience improved so much I could myself hardly believe it, and my wisdom lesson was to learn patience and faith. It was the hardest of all. I knew and I was certain I haven't had problems with these, but then when my 1st mission reached the end I was baffled on how much I didn't get anything before, and actually how much I was off track on both ends. 

When starting my third mission I got the news that I will be joined up with a "male" partner who will help me strengthen my bodily abilities even more and also more likely be involved in combat strategy building which might be useful to accomplish successfully my last mission. It seemed so silly to get these as I was certain I already have everything in place, until I have realised on my first try how much I am nowhere near to have the right strategy to demolish that temple on the top of mount Solomon. I did admit that's it, I need to get on with more training and the sooner I start the process the faster I can get stronger and reach my goal. 

The day came when I have met my partner on the field surrounded by forests, on a beautiful sunny day. It was him who turned up, my beautiful and precious boyfriend. I never have thought I will see him so soon and here. I was certain he was sent to another realm, of which he was also convinced, but then we were super happy to meet again and train together. Our feelings have deepened and were taken to a whole new level, something neither of us experienced before and we were just happy to be in the presence of each other and develop together for the greater good. We were back on track with discussing, planning, debating and practicing. We were fighting and trying crazy lot of techniques which helped not only me to accomplish my mission faster but also him to close his final stage with high success. And when we finally reached our goals and our missions were accomplished at the same time we, very suddenly and out of the blue, were grabbed out from that realm and chucked into another. Which let's say looked like hell on earth. 

We landed on a huge stone bridge on a dark, rainy day which led across a huge river, on one end leading up to a huge castle like building, which later turned out was a "sort of dorm or camp" place for women and right next to it were the men parts. We looked at each other and we couldn't comprehend what happened and why and specially why so suddenly. We did recall that they have told us that once our missions are accomplished we will be told what's next, however nothing like this happened and we were just sucked into a brand new reality which we didn't even know how we got there in the first place, or for what reason. We knew someone will come and pick us up to get us into our place within the castle (each of us had our own single bed studio apartment looking right down to the village opposite to it), and we didn't know then yet what we are getting into. 

30 We were allowed as we later got to learn, to mix and talk to villagers on the other side of the bridge, but the whole place was full of witches out of control, sacrifices that no one enjoyed and always just grey sky carrying rain around. Understanding and finding the way to get to know more information on why we were there was an even bigger challenge than we accounted with at the beginning. One of the most disturbing bits however was when we got to learn that the villagers all know our "apartment number", my boyfriend's was number 10, and they actually have shows on display where they show our life within the castle's wall to the whole village without us seemingly not even knowing about it.  

So here we were, together trying to find out what is happening and why the realm controllers lost control of their own creations, getting realities put together that has totally been taken over by beings making the whole life process a total non-sense and twisted reality to their own likes, because they can... 

Time was slower here, and with days passing by in the speed of a snail race, we had to learn to adjust and decided to get involved in activities of both within the castle and the village. We wanted to know every single living being there and all the processes surrounding the realm's existence, and we knew only by the two of sticking together we can make it. 

I became a fan of horse racing and one day I went down to the village to see my favourite horse and his rider. This horse had beautiful black mane and chestnut brown fur, he had only one eye intact, the other one was covered off, he also had physical disability and was struggling to be awake for to long. He loved his jockey immensely and didn't want to leave his side at all. It was the wisest horse I could ever recall meeting, and the love he carried in his heart was so beautiful and deep that one wanted just to enjoy it like the sunshine (which was non existent on this realm) all the time. The jockey was a tall man, well built, with dark brown hair and beard, having some white hair all poking out between the dark lines. He was gentle and so caring. Upon reaching them he asked me to look after his horse as he needs to fetch water and feel free to kiss him, he will reciprocate. I laughed it off as horses don't reciprocate kisses and I was never so close to one myself to be that brave. He laughed and said to try, mentioning that his horse really loves me, always spots me from the audience and gets full of life when I am around. He then turned around and made his way to the tap just down the alley. 

I walked closer to the horse and he just lay down to rest as he couldn't stand up and was really tired, but then the jockey said whilst passing him, that I am there and he should open his eyes and get up to get a kiss. Upon hearing that, he opened his eyes filled with joy and spark, and he got up straight. I didn't know where to kiss him so he just pushed his cheek above his nose towards my face, as if sensing my battle. I then patted his head and gave a huge kiss there, he then slowly turned his head on the other side indicating he wants one there too, so I planted another kiss there as well. The jockey heading back towards us told with a loud voice that I should hold now my cheek as he wants to give them back. I laughed as it was really so surreal, but I still held my cheeks to the horse who in that instant gave me one kiss and after me turning my head another kiss on the other side. It was such an amazing and gentle experience. We did enjoy it. He then apologetically lowered his head and went to lie back down as his body couldn't hold him up and he needed to gather energy for the race. 

35 The jockey came back and put the bucket of water next to the horse and with a grinning smile on his face he asked me whether he was right or wrong about the kisses and laughed. I told him, that indeed he was right, and thanked him for the experience whilst smiling back at him. 

In the next moment he got closer, grabbed me at my waist and pulled me in his arms. I was taken by surprise and didn't know what is happening, but I did feel he had no bad intentions so I stood there and waited. He then with a smile on his face looked at me and asked if he can get some kisses too on his cheek, to which I said, of course. After I gave him two kisses on his cheek, he leaned in to reciprocate those but before doing that, he whispered in my ears gently: "So nice to see you, I will dearly miss you once you leave again, but hopefully we will meet next time around", and with that he gave me the kisses. They felt so familiar and so calming, and the vibration they left on my face indicated that this is not the first time we have met nor got into a physical contact. After the second kiss he gently let go of me, and then I knew this realm is way more than what we see, here you need to see with your heart and get physical in order to understand and know more of everything, and it also struck me in that moment what if these villagers are from our past lives and what if many are deliberately stuck? I looked up to ask him if he knew when my departure will be and what does he know about all that, but then suddenly him with his smile and the horse as well disappeared.